Today, I came home from work early with a headache and I sat quietly on the couch with my eyes closed and I started thinking about this year, thinking about Christmas. I love Christmas, its my favorite time of year, and yet this year, I have not felt as excited as usual. My normal excitement about lights and red cups at Starbucks, shopping, ect has been very dim compared to years past. I sat there thinking, "this is not me", "God, where am I in there?" As I sat there, breathing in and out, I could feel God melting down the walls around my heart, literally, I had this feeling that He was right there with me, and I could sense His strength and joy filling my heart--I needed to be reminded.
See, about a year ago this time, we started trying to get pregnant, we were so ready, and convinced that within just a short time, it would be. Little did I know that one year and one miscarriage later, I would be sitting on my couch on a cold afternoon with tear-filled eyes, still waiting, still hoping and wondering how this became our story. How could this be happening to "us"?
This year has worn me down, month after month of frustration, and yet, everytime, I'm reminded of all He has done and the strength that comes in knowing we belong to Him.
I'm reminded today, the whole reason we even celebrate Christmas is because God sent His son, Jesus, to come to earth so He could understand us, and know exactly what we are going through. He is Emmanuel, God with us, no matter what, no matter how long, He is here with us.
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