Thankfulness Vs. Anxiety

This week at my church my pastor was talking about thankfulness being the antidote for anxiety. The idea that looking back and seeing how God has been faithful before actually develops our trust in the Lord.  For the last several months, I have really had to focus in with God on my ability to have more trust in Him. I will be on the verge of my breaking point inside before anyone on the outside even has clue that I am stressed, and although, my job is very stressful and there are things in my life that are difficult right now, that I have no control over, I have had this mindset, that God and I have this deal. Like, its ok for me to be stressed and have all this anxiety/fear because its legit.  Because, I don't worry about silly things, I worry over things that actually matter, like it somehow gives me the golden ticket with God. Like He and I have a secret handshake of some kind giving me the right to worry about on the things that He and I agree on.  I didn't realize this until Sunday in church, as I started asking God to show me the areas I needed to have more trust in Him. My job came to mind, and a few other things that I have been struggling with and I thought oh, but thats real stress, its not just worry because thats a legitimate issue, I have the right to be worried about that.  

Im sitting at work today, (quite funny, but its where I have these God thoughts all the time) and it occurred to me that He wants my whole heart and my whole trust. I hate feeling like people who should trust me don't or visa versa, people I should trust, but don't.  

Im thinking God does all these things for us thinking we will get it, thinking we will realize that He is in control.  However, the fear losing control has gripped my heart for years. Fearing the unknown.  Fearing that He may not do what He said even though I could tell you story after story of times He has come through for me.

So, this week, I am determining in my heart to trust, to rest in the goodness of God and to remember with a grateful heart all He has done. There have been times in my life that I was so sure that God would fail me or felt as if He had, but there is not one time I can tell you of that God's plan was not the best plan. Never to fail me or harm me, but to give me the life I've hope for.  He really is a good God, and He knows me better than anyone else, I want to learn to trust Him more.  Let the journey begin!