God Thoughts-Forgiveness at Work

So for about a year now, it seems like God places people on my heart to pray for, but He does it through dreams.  It seems most of the people God does this with are people I was close to at one point in my life, but not close with now.  For instance, I have had numerous dreams about a guy I was good friends with when I was at Christ For the Nations, it was a relationship that brought me much heart break, even though looking back now, it was just a good mix of immaturity, miscommunication and crazy feelings it took me a few years to really be able to think of this person and not feel pain.  He is now married and I don't really know his wife, but they have been on my heart for about a year now and I have dreams about them all them time, both of them.  I have not talked to him in years, not for about five years to be exact, but its a crazy thought that God would use me, someone states away, to lift them up in prayer.  I have no idea what they are going through, or what God is up to in their lives, but God must think it's pretty important, that he would wake me up in the middle of the night and taunt my heart during the day, with God-thoughts for them. 

I have always wondered how you know if you have really forgiven someone.  Like I said before my heart was broken by this person--it was probably one of the greatest heart breaks of my life, and yet, years later, I'm in my car on the way to work, with tear filled-eyes praying for him and his wife, asking God to show up for them.  I'd say that's how you know forgiveness has done its work.  

I have been a christian for a long time, but every day I realize it really is a journey.  Every day, God is teaching me things and every now and then, I look back and realize how far I have come. 

Just a Reminder

I heard this song today, my eyes full of tears...sometimes we just need to be reminded----My heart sings, Hallelujah, He has won the victory, Hallelujah, He has won it all for me. Thank you, Lord for speaking to my soul today.

Planetshakers - The Anthem from swider8814 on Vimeo.

Strength

Saturday, when I found myself having a melt-down in my car, I thought to myself, "I can't be the only one". I can't be the only with fears that seem to suffocate me at times, and I can't be the only one that questions things and I can't be the only one who thinks to themselves, "this shouldn't still hurt, I should be over this by now."
I certainly can't be the only one who wonders if they have failed, failed as a friend, as a wife, as Christ-Follower. In that moment, with tear filled-eyes and a heavy heart, I asked the Lord to give me strength---Strength to press on and strength to trust Him. How easy it sounds and how tough it really is to trust Him.

I know I am not alone in my thoughts and fears, and I know that on any given day, there are people having these same conversations in there heart and mind. Thank goodness, our strength is not of our own.

I was reminded a few verses of a song I heard a while back...

When the tears keep pouring down,
And my lips can't make a sound,
I know You hear my prayer,
And Your strength is always there!

I look to You to find my strength.
Carry me to the end of my days!
A steady hand to lead me through,
Arms of faith to bring me back to You!
I will keep my eyes on love,
Set my heart on things above!
When my soul is so afraid,
I look to You to find my strength!

Girlfriends

When I was in college, it was a rarity to not be with friends. The memories of those incredible times in my life with friends still rumble through my mind when I lay in bed at night or while driving to work. There are a few friends that I still connect with on a regular basis and I consider them to be gems, however, now that real life has happened to us all, it more difficult to cultivate the good ole' days, as some call it. We are lucky if we can get a few texts out or make a phone call here and there, its awful really.

Today, however, I spent the day with my longtime friend Laura. Laura and I met in college when we both joined the Student Body Leadership Council. Through the years of college and hereafter we have remained close and being adults with her has been great!
Today, we had some ultimate girl-time---shopping, talking, coffee, lunch. It was so nice to get away for a while with one of my girls. There is something about girl-talk that soothes a hurting soul and renews a weary mind, its pretty much a must sometimes.

Anyway, today I realized one thing that--- no matter what life brings our way, no matter how far we live a part, girlfriends are necessary and they are part of our life support.

Sometimes we just need a day away with one of the girls!

1 Year and Counting...

Today is my one year anniversary... This year has gone by so fast, and even as I type, I cannot believe we are starting year two already. When we got married, people warned us that the first year is usually the hardest, and they advised it would get better, so on and so on...but I have to say, that its been an amazing year. Don't get me wrong, we have faced numerous obstacles, we have made many hard decisions, and we have had to learn our way, however nothing could have prepared me for what a rewarding year it would be. I think back to our very first date, and all the times in between and I can truly see that God has been faithful to us. Looking forward to this next year and all the adventures we will have...

Happy Anniversary Matthew, my love and very best friend. I'm so glad I married you.

Eat-Pray-Love

Last night while in Target, I picked up a book by Elizabeth Gilbert, you got it, EAT PRAY LOVE. While I don't necessarily agree with all of her thoughts on God and spirituality, the book is thought provoking. In the book she is telling a story about a time in her life where she prayed for the first time, literally crying on her bathroom floor at 3am, so desperate for an answer to her the things on her mind. Then she says all of the sudden, she hears a voice, her own voice at that, whisper, "Go back to bed", "just go back to bed". Ironically, it was the simple answer, although definitely not the answer anyone wants to hear while sobbing on the bathroom floor at 3am.

Anyway, this part of the book has been intruding my thoughts all day. So many times we are looking for God to give us an answer or a reason for something, or even for healing of our souls, because life has certainly wounded us, and taken its toll on our hearts. In my life there are times I am looking for some elaborate answer or rule book as to why things happen the way the do and yet feel I feel so offended with the idea that the answer may be "go back to bed", or "just trust me", or "stop worrying" or "get real and just relax, you are going to be fine". How can it be so simple???

So today, at GEICO, in my little cubicle, while wrestling with thoughts like, why do people who really want children have miscarriages, while people who don't want children get pregnant, or why do most of my close friends live in other states because its a tragedy we can't live near each other, or even dumb girly thoughts like, I wonder why stress causes acne....In these moments, in my very own heart, I thought to myself, "just answer your ringing phone, help customers and breathe." In that moment, that is exactly what I needed to do.

Somehow I find it funny that in life sometimes the answer to our prayers or the resolutions to our mind boggling thoughts are very simple and yet we make it so hard...